So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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