Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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