do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
