i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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