found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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