Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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