Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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