i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
