I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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