New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
