So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
