And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
