so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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