Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
