I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
