Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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