I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
