did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
