Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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