a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
