the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
