So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
