Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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