Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
