# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
