i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
