You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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