don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
