Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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