You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
