wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We are two peas in an std pod
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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