hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
