Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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