Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
