There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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