And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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