Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
