Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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