please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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