Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
