it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
