Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
