you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
