you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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