At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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