I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
