so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
