can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
