omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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