they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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