I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
