Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
