WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
