I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
