what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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