I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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