i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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