Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I party with great urgency now.
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