someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
