my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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