The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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