Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
