Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
