someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
