Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His nipple licking is glorious
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