Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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