and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you had me at cake vodka
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Another day, another engagement, another cat
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
