I feel like abortions should bother me more
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
