I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
