Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
