im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i barfeds in our rink
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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