I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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