you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
