I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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