NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize