No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
