I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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