I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
