I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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