Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just cut my nipple shaving
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
