using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
