Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's official drugs can't kill me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
