Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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