Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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