Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
