i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
