This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
