I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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