If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
