I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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