Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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