You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize