Pappa wants mamma naked
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
