yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
