Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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