You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I look better un-naked...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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