Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
