sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
